Dear Lauren: I recently had a discussion about body image with a cis straight, white man. The conversation itself was very triggering for me, as I have always struggled with loving my body and had a mild eating disorder for two years. Throughout the conversation, I attempted to show him that our experiences were different, but his rebuttal was, “it’s not fair that positive body image efforts focus only on women.” I just don’t know how to communicate my struggle to him without him assuming I am denying his.
Dear Anon: I was just having a conversation with my friend Abbie while walking home from the grocery store about unpacking privilege. Abbie said her teacher explained to a guy in her class that while it is indeed “hard to be a man”, with all the society’s pressures on men to be tough and so on, that is not “sexism.” That is just “things that are hard about being a man.” The truth is oppression sucks for everyone. I want to say things about corsets and feet binding and diet pills not being “fair” but I think when you are talking to someone that can’t see their own privilege, the thing that is most important is to show empathy and ask questions, like you already said “how do I communicate my struggle without you feeling like I am denying yours?” It is gift to listen to each other. Everyone’s suffering is valid. As we evolve into a more conscious, less oppressive society, learning to listen to each other will be the best skill we learn.
PS. Star Lamp, I want to make a quick comment on something I noticed in your language: “mild eating disorder” makes me think of the way we often trivialize our own experience. I’ve noticed I used to do this when talking about my experience with sexual assault. “Oh, I was just kind of raped. It wasn’t legitimate or anything.” I have to check myself constantly for how often I belittle my own pain. I just want you to know that I know what it’s like to live in quiet suffering. I am in recovery from bulimia but never told a soul as I was working through it. Even now, I shock myself when I say it out loud. I have the constant awareness that I could re-lapse at any moment. I just want you to know that I hear you. There is nothing mild about your pain. Nothing mild about your fierce commitment to loving yourself.
{People keep asking me to making rebloggable versions of Ask responses. I am trying this out to see if it works.}
It works! :D Thank you!
I think this is important and that some of my followers may like reading it. I certainly did. ^^
P.S.: I “bolded” the bits that spoke more to me.
